“I am absolutely not ready for the hysterical marathon where, like on an exam, I have to correctly guess what to give and to whom,” — says Bridget Jones in the latest novel by Helen Fielding.
And are you ready for that kind of stress — once again? Especially since these marathons repeat with alarming regularity, given the number of state, professional, and personal holidays on your calendar.
If you want to know how to properly give gifts to women on March 8, men on February 23, friends on New Year’s, children on their birthday, or your boss at a corporate celebration — look up the information online (there’s plenty of it, thankfully). We’ll be talking about something else.
Namely, what you need to do to not lose yourself in the gift-giving race, preserve and multiply your energy, bring maximum joy to the people who matter to you, and express your love.
On the history of gifts. How to return from routine to a spiritual offering
Originally, the tradition of giving had a ritual significance.
It was an offering to deities and spirits, meant to show them respect or ask for blessings for one’s clan.
Also, on festive and sacred days (astrological dates, harvest, birth of a child, wedding), people exchanged symbolic little items as a sign of sympathy and a wish for well-being.
However, over time, gift-giving became a social necessity, a status indicator, and simply a routine “obligation.” Of course, amidst all this, we still preserve genuine warmth and a desire to please our loved ones, but we have less and less energy for it. And so, without even realizing it, we buy yet another shaving gel for our husband and a comic book for our child on the way home from the market…
The more we bury ourselves in the information chaos of “what and to whom to give correctly,” the more we are attacked by intrusive, screaming advertisements, and the more frantic our attempts to “make everyone happy” on the holiday — the further we drift from the main point.
From the state of our own spiritual integrity and inner happiness. Which, ideally, should be preserved during a holiday — but somehow gets replaced again by a “hysterical marathon.”
See also: Dance with the Shadow
How to reclaim the rejected parts of your personality and find your strength and wholeness
In this article, we offer you a new, spiritual perspective on gift-giving.
New spiritual rules for gift-giving
There are several of these rules, but they are all based on one main principle: focus on yourself and a state of fullness.
Classic online advice makes your energy scatter over trifles in attempts to cover all types of gifts for all the people who “must be given to.”
Our task, however, is to return you to your wholeness and authenticity, to your energetic fullness. Only from this state can you perform gift-giving as a spiritual act and multiply your energy many times over.
Perhaps you already intuitively apply some of these rules (happy for you!), while others might be a revelation.
1. Assess Your Energy Resources
Admit it — you have a strictly defined reserve of time, money, and emotional strength. Even if it’s quite large (or seems that way), it’s still not limitless.
So, on the eve of the next holiday, wisely and calmly calculate your resources:
- How many people do you truly want to give gifts to?
Do a simple exercise: write a list and rank the people (gift candidates) in order, from the most important (#1) onward. If it’s difficult, compare them in pairs, asking yourself, “If I can only give a gift to this person or that one, which one would it be?”
Now cross out the bottom half of the list. Tune into your feelings. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize nothing particularly bothers you.
In reality, the first 3-5 people on the list are what truly matter to you.
- How much money and time can you realistically spend on finding gifts?
Not as much as you’d like. Not as much as the person means to you (I myself have such priceless people that even a yacht wouldn’t be enough to express all my love).
But as much as you can genuinely afford. So that enough remains for a balanced life in your normal routine.
From experience — gifts squeezed out of your budget with blood and sweat, gifts taken out on credit (which remind you of themselves for years) — are energetically destructive. You may be left with a subconscious impression that the person is in your debt forever. And that negatively affects the relationship.
- Do you have enough emotional reserve to pick an original and heartfelt gift for everyone?
In truth, we can give spiritual and heartfelt gifts to no more than 1-3 people. Simply because it takes time, the ripening of an idea, creative preparation, and so on.
Just keep this in mind, and don’t try to “surprise everyone.”
The main point here is that during the selection and after giving, you shouldn’t feel energetically and financially drained.
Only then will your gifts bring benefit to both you and the people receiving them.
2. Determine What You Want for Yourself and Take Care of It
When choosing a holiday gift for loved ones and friends, we often forget about ourselves.
Answer in the comments: did you write yourself in the list above? And if not, why?
Very few people intentionally give themselves a gift. Often, for some reason, there’s no time or money left for it.
As a result, we expect to receive something that will delight us in return… But no one guarantees that. In the end, disappointment and a sense of emptiness may set in.
Therefore, I recommend taking care of a gift for yourself.
Give it to yourself, showing how much you love you. Or directly ask for it from friends. There’s nothing awkward about this; on the contrary, loved ones will be glad they don’t have to rack their brains, afraid of getting it wrong.
See also How to Recognize Your Feminine Worth
If you truly value yourself, you effortlessly handle any problems and challenges of fate; your desires come true as if by magic; people love and respect you, reflecting your inner state.
3. Admit to yourself what feeling you give a gift with
Whatever feeling you give a gift with is what you pass into your relationship.
If you do it out of fear that you will be judged or that feelings will be hurt – deal with the fear. You will spend the money and temporarily avoid the situation, but the fear still won’t go anywhere.
The same goes for gifts given out of a sense of duty (whether I want to or not, I have to), guilt… It seems to you that they are necessary to maintain or restore a shaky balance. But alas. Energetically, such a gift doesn’t restore it, but makes it worse, even if it shows up later.
There are even gifts that contain aggression, mockery, or humiliation. For example, a friend of mine was given expensive skis, with the remark that they had already been used, were uncomfortable, and they decided to give them to her (“here you go, you wretch, what’s no good for me”). The relationship between these people ended, it seems, forever.
Also, if you give a gift “with calculation,” expecting a certain reaction from the person, for example, wanting to evoke a certain feeling or get an equally valuable gift in return – be prepared to face disappointment.
The feelings from which it is truly worth giving a gift are gratitude, respect, love, as well as compassion, mercy (for charitable gifts), and humor, shared joy (for children and friends).
If your inner intention when choosing a gift differs from these feelings, I advise you not to give the gift.
4. You have the right not to give and not to accept gifts
We, as spiritual people, are more sensitive to energy. When giving or accepting a gift, we always engage in an energetic exchange.
Therefore, always stay true to yourself. When you intuitively don’t want to accept a gift – don’t take it. Even from relatives.
Also, if your inner truth tells you to refuse to give a gift – listen to it.
It is especially hard when loved ones manipulate gifts as a reason for offense, a display of superiority, or control (“Why aren’t you wearing my dress?”)
Getting through this stage is not easy, but believe me – if you stand your ground, you will feel truly free. Having the right to sincere expression of feelings, control over your money, and your actions.
See also Is Your Channel of Receiving Balanced?
Most people, especially beginners engaged in spiritual development, give a lot and are completely unable to receive. They experience extreme discomfort when someone gives them a simple compliment or offers to accept a gift.
5. Other people have the right not to give you gifts and not to accept gifts from you
All of the above points work both ways. Be prepared that you might also be left without a gift. Or that a gift of yours might not be accepted.
If you take offense at this and can’t seem to get over it, you have two options. Either keep doing things the old way (the “hysterical marathon”), or work on your resentment and moving out of the victim state.
See also: It’s impossible to offend, but you can choose to be offended
To truly rewrite your habitual reaction and replace it with a new one you desire — that is, to stop taking offense and nursing your grudge — requires DAILY work.
In fact, once you go through this transformation, you will feel lightness and joy. And gifts will once again become a miracle.
You might not receive them from those you expected or by the right date. But you could get them from an unexpected person and for no reason at all! This is a truly magical feeling.
6. Give from abundance!
This point sums up all the previous ones.
Never give from a place of lack. When you are drained financially, emotionally, when your relationship is falling apart and you are straining to fix things with a gift — don’t do it. It might temporarily “make it seem like everything is okay,” but in reality, it will only destroy you.
If you want to give a gift — only do it from abundance. From an abundance of love, delight, prosperity, creative inspiration, happiness, money, time.
If you are in a state of abundance — even a modest gift will convey your feelings to your loved one, and they will multiply many times over.
And that will be a true spiritual gift, from heart to heart.
I wish you to give and receive only the happiest, most spiritual gifts — for any occasion or none at all!
P.S. From December 11 to 16, registration is open for the New Year Super Promotion. Hurry to register to take advantage of New Year’s discounts and bonuses!